"realer" and "realer"...

I was struck by something in the shower this morning... it was my wife's shampoo bottle that had been placed precariously in the ledge over my head.
After that, I resumed thoughts on an evening spent with a buddy this weekend. We talked like women- meaning the conversation had actual substance, wandered over multiple subjects, and took a few hours. But the context and the subject matter was entirely male. We were drinking fine ales and smoking fine cigars and talking about things like previous criminal exploits, drunken roomates, the fact that we don't really know what love is, the plan of God on our lives, what type of porn really appeals to us and why, getting away from religious form and into the simple and glorious presnce of God, getting your heart broken by parents or wives, and how to get your heart back from the wreck.
The thing that struck me (after the shampoo), is that 5 years ago, that same conversation (at least on my end), would have been quite different. It would have been about things like politics, things I don't support (i.e. Chinese products produced by imprisoned Christian slave labor, the gay agenda, the liberal media and it's effect on society, etc...) and why, current social issues and the biblical defenses to my positions, and on, and on, and on. Ever notice how alot of people who consider themselves serious, committed Christians are much more eloquent on what they don't support than what they do...?
I suddenly realized that these were no longer things that I am passionate about, and I haven't been for a long time. While I think they still have value, I see the conversation has moved into new fronteirs. Less abstract, more impact. Less about changing the culture, more about changing my heart. And even saying that, less about what I need to do to improve my character, more about being in the presence of the One who changes me just by being in His company.
The really backward thing about maturity is that when you don't have it, you can't see it. You believe that your passion and fiery rhetoric are sure signs of your depth and your call. But you're still busted up inside and full of shit. So, don't be an ass-bag like I have been... put down your newspaper and bullhorn, burn the soap-box, let all you agendas and your ideas of converting the culture to your idea of Christianity die. And let Him in to mess you up, remake you, be your Friend.
It's amazing to be able to relax and just be me with God. I look out and see enormous deserts in my heart where He still desires to bring water and life and maturity, but I can also look back and see great lush gardens where I finally let down my guard and allowed Him to bring healing and life to a scared and burned valley.
So relax. God is not chasing you around the back yard with a switch. He wants to help you learn who you really are, outside all the posturing and positioning. Quit "churching" yourself and others around you, and let Him bring the real out of you.