The Lonely Desert

As I walk thru this current phase of my life and spiritual journey, I am struck by the paradox of times of great loneliness in pursuit of a relational God. I believe that as we grow, God will call us into seasons in the desert. Some call this the "Dark Night of the Soul", and you can read more about that at the John Paul Jackson blog "Coffee Talk" below. Anyways, I am in that season, and it is not very much fun. But at the same time, it is peaceful- in its own stripping way. Peaceful in the sense of having too much noise in your house, when there is a sudden power outage. You have a choice: fear the lack of power, or rest in the silence.

And the loneliness is a weird thing, as well. I am surrounded by very faithful friends and family, some of whom are going thru similar stripping circumstances. So the loneliness is not an issue of proximity or physical isolation. It is an issue of being "drawn into the desert to be tested".

But I don't fear testing anymore. At least not very much. And not like I used to. I used to believe that testing was a pass/fail deal, where there was great risk of not measuring up and being exposed as the the failure that I always secretly believed I was. I know now that testing is for me, since God already knows the outcome. It is a finishing process. It shows me that God has moved me from one place to another, and that He has been the architect of that new thing. The challenge in the test is to not lose heart.

But what if the test is of your ability to not lose heart??

I told my daughter last week that she is sooo much stronger than she realizes, and that the way she understands just how strong she is is during difficult circumstances where she is able to rise to circumstances that she originally believed would overwhelm her. I knew those words were on a boomerang course straight back to me.